Sunday, August 7, 2011

Who's watching you?

Thanks to everyone who stops by each week! And especially thanks for your comments.

Here's another six from my dark paranormal, Dead to Rights.
Riding on the bus taking her to the New Day Order camp, our heroine gets a fright when she realizes someone’s watching her:

He stared openly, a strange glow in the whites of his eyes.
My heart pounded. Grateful for Ellen’s insistence that we sit together, I feigned settling in to rest. Impossible with him still watching intently. And he was. I didn’t know how I knew, but I’d swear it.

35 comments:

Sonya Clark said...

That is deeply unnerving! Great six, very effective.

2bmechick said...

OOOh that's very awesome You can feel the intensity behind it!

Jessica Subject said...

So creepy, but I want to read more. :)

gayleramage said...

Oh, that's very intense! I do like that you've used first-person tense. :-)

lizculver said...

Unsettling six, nice job

Sherry Gloag said...

I agree with 'unnerving' and 'creepy'. And what was the glow from the whites of his eyes?
Great 6.

Laura Kaye said...

Ooh, that is unnerving! Creepy and cool!

Gem Sivad said...

Definitely agree with the words, creepy and unnerving adding that it has a very eerie tone. Great six!

Joanne Stewart said...

Ohh, very intriguing. And kind of creepy! Great six.

Rebecca Royce said...

Very creepy. You really made that work. Well done Cate.

Carrie Ann Ryan said...

Sooo creepy LOL. But that won't stop me from wanting more!

Taryn Kincaid said...

Ooooh. Eerie. (As is the whole bus trip to a camp named New Day Order.)

KaceyHammell said...

wow, intense. makes me want to know more while also run the other way!! LOL
Nice 6.

Jenna said...

Hate that feeling of being watched. Very creepy. And you evoke it so well. Great six.

Piper said...

That's some creepy stuff. I loved it. Awesome six!

Eleri Stone said...

The glow to the whites of his eyes is such a wonderful and unusual detail.

Alix said...

Goose bumps! Beautifully written. Thank you

Zee Monodee said...

Oooh, this is creepy! Who is this guy?

Monica Enderle Pierce said...

Gawd, that really is the worst feeling. Makes me wanna smack him!

Sandra Sookoo said...

That's kinda creepy, but interesting too :-) Great 6!

Angela Brown said...

Awesome pick of 6. Very creepy indeed. If the reader hadn't been pulled into the story before this, they'll be yanked in by their collar by these lines.

Lindsay said...

Very nerve-wracking six

Siobhan Muir / Meg Palevich said...

*Shivers* Spooky! Great six! :)

Sam Crescent said...

Intriguing six. Loved it

Kathleen Grieve said...

Very creepy Six! I'd be scared too. Love that she finds the strength to try and rest and carry on as if she's not aware of him out there...

diannehartsock said...

I don't know anything about this story, but this scene grabbed my attention and made me want to know more. I love when that happens!

mirriamsmyth said...

Intense creepiness. Nicely written.

Vivien Dean said...

Not enough romance is written in 1st person, in my opinion. Especially effective for a piece like this.

Bree said...

Very compelling six!

For Your Eyes Only~Author Lani Rhea said...

Very intriguing six, Cate!

Xakara said...

Nicely creepy!

~Xakara
A Way To a Dragon's Heart 6SS

Pippa Jay said...

Nothing more creepy than knowing you're being watched, eek!

Jayel Kaye said...

very creepy. good 6

Paula Martin said...

Very intense and unnerving. Why is he watching her?

E. Jamie said...

Great six!